Will someone please do a shot-by-shot remake of this?  Thank you in advance.

atencio:

lonelysandwich:

Nine Deaths of the Credit Sequence

Clearly, this was an attempt at some sort of a Bond-esque intro to the 1985 Shô Kosugi suckfest “Nine Deaths of the Ninja”, what with the sexy(?) leotard dancers Vaselined to within an inch of their lives, the budget fog machine, the best pop ballad $350 could buy, the delightful(?) interplay between weaponry and the female form (which, would it have killed them to rehearse first?).

Shô Kosugi was a hero to me as a kid. But had I seen this, my life might’ve gone in a completely other direction. And not into ninjutsu. Like it did. Because I practice the art of the stealth assassin. I’m a pirate. Now I’m a wizard. Now I’m a sexy leotard dancer.

There is nothing I can add here that will improve this experience. Just watch.