Harsh of me to come right out and say it, but my little sister is cooler than your little sister.

Eliza Skinner is sitting in with Diamond Lion tonight! 9pm (NEW TIME), at UCBeast.

If you’re in one of the musical improv groups I’ve coached, you’ve probably heard me drop Eliza’s name in notes along the lines of, “Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it as well as Eliza Skinner.” She’s basically the Michael Jordan of musical improv, you guys.

Except, if Michael Jordan was still playing, and at the top of his game. So, whoever’s really good in basketball right now. Who would that be? LeBron James? I don’t really watch basketball.

I’ve finalized my invitation list for the “dinner party where you get to invite 10 famous people who were born within one month of you” thing (that I just invented):

1. Seth Meyers
2. Stephenie Meyer
3. Mos Def
4. Ed Helms
5. Tyra Banks
6. Sporty Spice
7. Kate Moss
8. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen
9. Terrell Owens
10. Christian Bale

Apologies to Shalom Harlow and Frank Caliendo.

I wrote this video for Langan as part of Get Paid’s Secret Santa Project. Just watched it again for the first time in a while, and, damn, she does an awesome job. I especially love the disturbing baby puppeteering.

A fully improvised song for piano and voice. In my introductory remarks I claimed to have studied composing at the Eastman School of Music for a semester and a half. Which is not true. I don’t know how to play the piano.

Bonus points to @BritaJames for understanding that my call for “requests” was actually a cue for someone to yell out a made-up title. Thus, “The Elephant That Lost His Trunk” was born.

Recorded on my unflatteringly-angled iPad, at Tesla’s Cinco de Mayo show, 5/5/12.

Had to shave my beard off for a video in which I will play a person with a fake beard.

horseplushorse:

Horse + Horse has moved into reality TV. Hello, Bravo, funds, please?

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN AUDIT?
This Tax Day, check out the hottest new reality show featuring one of America’s favorite validity evaluation procedures: auditing!

Director: Luke Koz
Writer: Kristy Lopez-Bernal
Featuring: Nadia Quinn, Morgan Phillips, Persephone Whiteside-McFadden, Dan Black, Jackie Jennings, James Dwyer, Hal Phillips, Phil Wolff, Leslie Hanson and Melissa Sheehy
Director of Photography: Patrick Mahoney
Editors: Chris Chuang and Kent Kincannon
Graphics: Chris Chuang
Producers: Luke Koz and Kristy Lopez-Bernal
Sound: Luke Koz

Special thanks to Julie Smith and Virtual Office Solutions — Capstone Executive Offices for allowing use of their facilities: http://tinyurl.com/79ktpma

Brought to you by UCB Comedy. 
http://www.twitter.com/ucbcomedyhttp://www.facebook.com/ucbcomedy

Timely and funny! And I’m in it! And I’m wearing fancy clothes!

Tonight! Diamond Lion! UCBeast! 7:30pm! Special guests Fran Gillespie and Tim Martin, and Hallie Haglund (writer for the Daily Show) on monologues!

If you’re all, like, “I love Diamond Lion, but they have a weekly show now, I’ll see it eventually,” but then you never get around to actually seeing it, this would be a great week to be Johnny Follow-Through. 100% guaranteed laffs!

connorratliff:

thebelovedentertainer:

Elvis Costello & the Brodsky Quartet - Taking My Life in Your Hands, Jackson’s, Monk & Rowe

For what it’s worth, THIS was the beginning of my Elvis Costello fandom. First album I bought, and I remember watching this appearance on TV and thinking “yes, I am going to buy all of his other albums.” Weird, considering that this is the only album of his that actually sounds anything like this…

One of my absolute favorite albums.

This made me remember that one of my secret fantasies is to record an album with a string quartet.

Also acceptable: A cello trio.

Make it happen, universe. Thanks in advance.

In March of 2011 I was sitting behind my friends Kelly and Langan in the audience at UCB. They were talking about how awkward it is when somebody asks to be part of an existing indie improv team.

I interrupted them and mentioned that, funnily enough, I’d recently seen their team “Get Paid” perform and had wished I could join it. I knew most of them from classes, had been on teams with one or two of them before, and thought everyone seemed cool and fun. Nobody was on a house team at UCB, but everyone was super talented.

Fortunately for me, they let me join.

One year later: Every single member of Get Paid is now on a UCB house team of some sort (Harold, Maude, Beta, Diamond Lion). Hell, the ladies are on two each.

In celebration, I used my new iPad(!) to draw creepy, unidentifiable pictures of everyone.

We have a show this Saturday, by the way.

Mitt vs. Eminem. Pre-viral explosion.

Special 9pm Diamond Lion tonight!

Zhubin Parang (writer for the Daily Show) on Monologues! Special guest performers Molly Lloyd (Airwolf) and John Murray (Death By Roo Roo)! With Ari Scott on the keys! Also, Ari took that photo of Zhubin and the doggy! Synergy!

Reservations here!

If you don’t decide to come to this show, you should no longer be in charge of your decision making. There, I said it.

diamondlionny:

DIAMOND LION this week with ASSSSCAT’s Shannon O’Neill, Mother’s Doug Moe, and The Daily Show’s Jessica Renee Williams. YEAH I SAID THE DAILY SHOW KID.

Watch Jessica tear it up on this segment: http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-february-27-2012/indecision-2012—-my-two-bads

Buy tickets here: http://east.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/2431

Follow us on twitter @diamondlionnyc and tell your cousin to reblog this shizz.  This show will be DOPE.

In December of 2010 I made a bet with Hal Phillips (no relation) about the 2012 Republican nominee. We have been smack-talking and debating the issue sporadically over the ensuing 15 months, and I’m probably on the verge of losing the bet.

Hal went with the conventional wisdom, that the nominee would be Mitt Romney. Mitt was ahead in the polls, mostly(?) on the strength of the GOP tendency to nominate the perceived “next in line.”

I bet on not-Romney. Please note: this was before “not-Romney” was a thing. Based on my sense of the Republican electorate, Mitt Romney seemed like the absolute worst possible candidate. In a nutshell: Uncharismatic, RomneyCare, Mormon, inconsistent on key social issues. (Didn’t even know yet that he was a hopelessly out-of-touch Rich Guy cartoon.)

I’m not conceding. I still think there’s a slim chance I’ll win. Lots of time between now and the convention. But I’m lowering expectations. Just like Romney’s staffers before most of the primaries. Because everybody hates him, and he is a terrible candidate.

If Romney gets the nomination, I have to make a youtube video saying that Hal is right about everything. And I owe him $20.

We were going to go with $10K, but neither of us is a buffoonish millionaire who will be eaten alive by Obama in the general election.